It's been years since I saw the movie Amadeus, but I have to remind myself of some lessons I learned from it at least once or twice a month.
If you haven't seen the movie, here's a brief synopsis. In the beginning, Salieri is an up-and-coming composer who thinks he is writing beautiful music all for the glory of God. Enter Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a vulgar young man with few morals or redeeming qualities--but with talent that Salieri knows he will never have. Streaming from Mozart, Salieri hears the kind of music that he wanted to write. But why would God give such talent and success to this horrible "creature," instead of to him, who wants to dedicate his music to the Lord?
That question eats at Salieri, until he eventually declares himself God's enemy. He manages to ruin his own life and Mozart's through his bitterness.
It's easy to condemn Salieri, but I have often felt the seeds of those same bitter thoughts starting to grow in me. Have you ever read a book or seen a movie that affected you so deeply that you were astounded by its beauty? That you went around thinking of it for days, feeling it resonating inside you, and yet--you knew it wasn't really worthy? You know the kind I'm talking about. The stories that leave you grabbing for the Kleenex and rooting for the man to "follow his heart" and leave his wife for his mistress. Or maybe the story is noble, but the writer is an appalling mess.
Sometimes I want to ask God--okay, sometimes I do ask God--why do you allow people with such harmful messages to have such talent? I would love to serve you with my gift, and yet it's so paltry by comparison. Why would you allow "them" such success?
If you haven't seen the movie, here's a brief synopsis. In the beginning, Salieri is an up-and-coming composer who thinks he is writing beautiful music all for the glory of God. Enter Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, a vulgar young man with few morals or redeeming qualities--but with talent that Salieri knows he will never have. Streaming from Mozart, Salieri hears the kind of music that he wanted to write. But why would God give such talent and success to this horrible "creature," instead of to him, who wants to dedicate his music to the Lord?
That question eats at Salieri, until he eventually declares himself God's enemy. He manages to ruin his own life and Mozart's through his bitterness.
It's easy to condemn Salieri, but I have often felt the seeds of those same bitter thoughts starting to grow in me. Have you ever read a book or seen a movie that affected you so deeply that you were astounded by its beauty? That you went around thinking of it for days, feeling it resonating inside you, and yet--you knew it wasn't really worthy? You know the kind I'm talking about. The stories that leave you grabbing for the Kleenex and rooting for the man to "follow his heart" and leave his wife for his mistress. Or maybe the story is noble, but the writer is an appalling mess.
Sometimes I want to ask God--okay, sometimes I do ask God--why do you allow people with such harmful messages to have such talent? I would love to serve you with my gift, and yet it's so paltry by comparison. Why would you allow "them" such success?
And then I remind myself of Salieri. I have to wonder, if serving God had really been his desire, would he have reacted the way he did when he couldn't be the best? Did he really desire God's glory, or his own? And then comes the really tough question--are my motives any more pure than his?
Do you ever ask yourself these kinds of questions? How do we have the necessary drive and ambition to succeed in this writing business, and still keep our focus on God? Have you ever experienced something similar, when you felt that God was clearly choosing the wrong person to carry his message? (In other words, not you!) How do we respond if, even temporarily, God holds us back and chooses to gift someone else?
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Tough questions indeed, Robin! It all comes down to our pride, doesn't it?--the thing God put at the top of the list of things He hates. Keeping our hearts pure from pride can be a real struggle. Sometimes I questiong things I'm doing "for the Lord" and wonder if my motives are as pure as they should be; after all, God sees my heart. I suppose that's one of the things that I'm gunshy about when it comes to marketing. No, I'm not published yet, but so much of the marketing seems to be, "Remember my name! Look at what I've done! It's so great!" I'm not putting down people who market their stuff; I understand that's part of the business and part of being a good steward of God's gift of being published. I just wonder how to balance it. Okay, I'll quit rambling before I have to get my own blog. LOL
ReplyDeleteKathleen
Wow, great post, Robin. That really made me think. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI saw that movie many years ago and thought it was wonderful.
ReplyDeleteYes, I ask why a lot. Why not me, Lord? But I think I know the answer--for me, anyway. It's not time. Look at how long God made Abraham wait for a son? Even after he told Abraham, when he and his wife were already too old to have children, that he was going to have a son, he still made him wait ten more years. (I hope I got that right.) But our hearts are deceitful above all things. Who can trust the heart of a man? They get us into trouble sometimes.